The Quandry

-Sometimes trust me. I will never disappoint you.
-Err…Charmie, A wise once said, “Never say Never.”
-Ugh!
-Umm…
-And in the first instance it was you who said you are my cosmic connection!!!
– Charmie, if you take me to a cliff and insist me to jump off saying its too
adventurous, I wont trust you on that. But yes, if by any chance I slip I believe that you will be there at the bottom to rescue me.
-Missy what is trust and believe?
-Charmie, we all believe in God. We don’t often say , “We Trust you God.” Trust is prone to be broken, shattered. But belief on Self, on that higher power, on someone is eternal. Believes/Belief , whatever you may call,may change but its all for good but never breaks like trust.
-Whao!
– I BELIEVE YOU. What else can be cosmic and sacred!
– Do I deserve , I wonder!
– What you deserve in my life, leave it on me. You are not transient and that’s what make you very special. So is it clear, why I don’t trust you?
-Yes, Teachy. I need a super tight hug , Missy.
-You are my baby mermaid and babies are carried on arms. Feel my circle of warmth and blessings always around you.
-I love you.
-Ha ha ha…You never have to say that. I always can feel it. But given I don’t trust you, I now wonder who will ever hear these words from you?! Its next to impossible for you, Charmie. You fumble.
-Hahaha…Missy, you will have to help me out to let me spit those bloody words from my tongue.
-God save that poor guy. My sincere prayers for him.

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#128 The merciless fate

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And today when he started re-reading all the lines , he realizes how much he mis-read and mis-understood everything. His mind came back with gumption,”Look I always told you I am always right. I deal with reality.” All the collective voices in his head started echoing gibberish,” We told you…. This…that… ” He shut down everything. Closed his eyes, a tear drop clinged from one of his eyes rolling gently touched his lips , rolled further, touched his throat, he whispered to his heart,” Say something for God’s sake!.” His heart with much reluctance shivering in pain in low tone murmured,”I am sorry. I quit. ” He wiped away the tears, shallowed a deep sigh within him , looked outside. The sun was just fine. Silences were even staring him today and noises calmed down. Everything was waiting with bated breath of what he’s gonna do next. But a wronged lost man , what can he do, when his eon old confidence has shattered? He cleared his throat. No he has to take a call. He again closed his eyes. This time the breeze touched him from nowhere as if trying to console him for the moment. “Over to you mind. I surrender. I was misguided, uninformed, unread,immature and emotionally weak going with the flow. I am sorry.”
This time the devil over the mind took over. A much confident voice with a wide smile and firm voice began,” Only a dead fish goes with the flow. You won’t be pardoned anymore. You have to bear the consequence. For this life you shall be my slave. I promise you victory in return. But you will be devoid of feeling anything in life because you don’t fit in here. ”
He bowed,” As you wish.”

#127 Realisation

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Planning 2018 to be more of a my thing, more delving into my inner world to find the lost me, working more on me, my weak areas, the areas that need my special attention, the self doubts, questions, the inner aspects about I , me , myself ….it will be more of a dealing with me that I neglected for a long time. A self discovery route to walk on divine’s path. The better the sooner. New people, new relations, new responsibilities, new roles , life may ask for in near future, to which I have to give In, for I am charted in this vicious circle of life but at no point point of time shall I lose my individuality or stop my journey to self. This mind looks to attain peace to the highest level and that can happen only through detachment by discharging all responsibilities in every kind of role I will be assigned. God, be just with me , for you and I know , it was , is and will always be Between You and Me since my birth and everything else are just the way they are.

#126 Shared Article

Nothing pleases my heart like poetry does. Poetry is the soul of my life. In a period where these days I am drenched in poetry, working on a project close to my heart, literally the passion of my life, I hit around this article. I always believe whenever something goes within my inner world, God has this wittiest habit of giving a prompt reply to me in form of accidental lines, books, articles, a stranger’s kind words or at times an inner voice answering me which only I can hear to. Call this madness, but this is how I have always felt this closeness to Him. Today I am very impressed by reading this piece of article , which again accidentally hit my eye sight sending out a strong message to me..Sharing with you all. If you are a poet (actually we all are), you will fall in love with this piece of article:

“The articles are a copyright of The Ahomo Movement and Baba”

Find Your Poet:

A poet is born in moments of ecstatic joy and in moments of unbearable pain. A poet is like a farmer, his whole meaning and purpose comes from being close to the earth, close to nature. Just as a farmer is close to the earth in savoring its smells and flavors, a poet is closer to his emotions in savoring its every pleasure and pain. Poetry is an expression of the human soul that transcends all social barriers. In moments of aloneness and contemplation, there is nobody within us, except a poet.

While most people dismiss poetry as unnecessary, illogical deviations of the mind, only a poet knows that his life is nothing but a poem. Take away the element of poetry from life; life is nothing but a long, arduous and pointless movement towards some imaginary reality that doesn’t exist. Only poetry gives meaning to life, for life is as illogical as poetry.

Poetry has the ability to change the definition and meaning of a situation of life. There is nothing that can escape the scrutiny of a poet’s eye. Seen from the poet’s eye, tragedies become comedies; painful situations become humorous; failures become successes. A poet can create his own experiences because he is not concerned with the reality at all. He is only concerned with his perception of reality. If there is something we all can learn from a poet, it is the ability to see things from our own individual perspective, there in hides our happiness.

Titanic sank. Everybody remembers it as one of the greatest tragedies. Here is a poet’s version of the tragedy.

“Who does not love the Titanic?

If they sold passage tomorrow for that same crossing,

Who would not buy?

 

To go down….We all go down, mostly

alone. But with crowds of people, friends, servants,

well fed, with music, with lights! Ah!

 

And the world, shocked, mourns, as it ought to do

And almost never does. There will be the books and movies

to remind our grandchildren who we were

and how we died, and give them a good cry.

 

Not so bad, after all. The cold

Water is anesthetic and very quick.

The cries on all sides must be a comfort.

We all go: only a few, first-class.”

 

– David R, Slavitt

 

If you are a poet by heart, you can sail through the struggles and challenges of life untouched. You can let go of criticism and ridicule, you can forgive and love, you can dream and hope. If someone says that you are mad, you can just tell them that you are a poet. In a poet, you can find your refuge.

#125 Dude, you are in love!

(Written at a time when I was learning poetry. Actually my very first love poem. I was a crazy girl then.Means a lot to me and surely makes sense to me. From then onwards penned hundred of poems which I will put it in a book in future but this first poem will always hold special to me for its very raw emotions and a pristine child ‘s understanding of love from exterior world. Haha…Guess, I was in 7th standard, then. 🤣)

When mind and heart don’t coincide

and thoughts take a side

when imaginations get widen

and dreams fulfill memory lane

DUDE! YOU ARE IN LOVE

When everything seems pleasant

and smiles become vibrant

when lips with teeth shine

and feelings shared in grapevine

DUDE! YOU ARE IN LOVE

when surrender is motive

and heart is native

when Valentine is God

and Beloved is Lord

DUDE! YOU ARE IN LOVE

When eyes open to search

and tears roll much

when a glimpse is desire

and stay apart is bizarre

DUDE! YOU ARE IN LOVE

When a meeting is bliss

and a touch is grace

when goodbye is absurd

and departing like dead

DUDE! YOU ARE IN LOVE

#124 Ekant Point

She likes intelligent interaction like “What’s your take on this ?” , “What do you think about this? ” ” Is there a solution for it?” Everything that’s engaging or intriguing can suffice her solitude. Otherwise it’s a No, no. Ekant rocks in Ekant Point.
Ah, the silence so enticing . She’s off late loving the ginger hotness. Inbetween thoughts crop up , the recent debate that’s going on ,” Should the verdicts be equal for one and all irrespective of physical disability? You see , we Indians on basis of one rare exemption can build a wall of loopholes in judiciary system. Ugh!”
She shifted her mind. It’s November. Urdu poetry is a quest for her and Faiz actually flows in winter. That bits of poetry she reminds fondly-

 

Aur kyā dekhne ko baaqī hai

aap se dil lagāke dekh liyā

(What else is worth seeing,

now I have been a witness to your love)

 

Dil nā-umiid to nahīñ nākām hī to hai

lambī hai ġham kī shaam magar shaam hī to hai

(My efforts [at love] stand thwarted, but my heart is optimistic

The evening of suffering goes on, but it too shall pass)

 

Guloñ meñ rañg bhare baad-e-nau-bahār chale

chale bhī aao ki gulshan kā kārobār chale

(Let there be colours in flowers and the breeze of new spring

Come soon, so the business of the garden (spring) can go on)

 

Qafas udaas hai yaaron sabaa se kuch to kaho

Kaheen to bahr-e-Khuda aaj zikr-e-yaar chale

(The cage is sad, dear friends, at least speak to the breeze,

For God’s sake, let there be a mention of the beloved today)

 

Jo hum pe guzri so guzri magar shab-e-hijraan

Humaare ashq teri aaqibat sanwaar chale

(What I have suffered on the night of separation shall pass too

But I hope my tears and suffering bring you a better future)

 

 kar rahā thā ġham-e-jahāñ kā hisāb

aaj tum yaad be-hisāb aae

(As I began counting the pains and sufferings of the world, I couldn’t help but think of you infinitely)

 

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#123 Stay close

 

 12

In the awry silence of the twilight vibes

When not even the chandeliers, nor the candles come to my sight

When the sun is about to sink and the quirking birds are to retire

I sit down nearby the lonely window

And light some incense sticks to illuminate my sanity of monologue with you

You know silence no more is a language

Since the day love discovered my heart.

It’s a passage often to your path

That stretches from my realm of losing it all to you

And yet finding myself in your eyes …

 2

So stay close, my heart,

Often in this twilight, when the rose is at its blooming best,

When The effervescence fragrance of incense sticks entice my soul

And magical wand of  yearning makes me a mere ‘all of you’,

 I need you to  find my senses back .

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You see, Love is an old wine, my love

Very strong in its hold

And lasting is its addiction…

So stay close, my heart,

Be by my side,

No words,

Let the moments be

Let the silence prevail

Let be just us.

You just stay close.

 

Love always,

Krishna Panda

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#122 Optimistically contemplative

 

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From then to now….The journey that she has been through…the person from start till today and who knows where to….this mind evokes the epoch, the moments and the visualization…sonata dreams stride on the imagination lane…many chapters lived and turned …its time to write that final chapter of all that has led to this page…its time to take the chariot of time in hands and give time , luck, holy plan to witness the transition period. It’s time to make it up on her own….its time to not be aback like always but dumbfound self with self efforts. Dear Me, just be with me and let’s partner up for one last mega time. What say?

Optimistically contemplative.

Love Always,

Krishna

#121 Walk into past

 

The best thing about this phase of her life is that she’s realizing she has a past behind, of which she have had forgotten long time back or found it irrelevant. For her it’s always like her now is best than just few seconds back. She never likes to walk past. Yup, if given a chance she will pick up her choicest person from her yesterdays, with whom time has distanced her but mind you, not separated her with them,and take them all to her most precious dream date. Yeah, it has been a fantasy or say a last wish of her life, if ever God ask her what she wants to do if she has one day left in her life, she would like to spend that day with all her loved ones to say how much she loved one and all , though failed miserably in expressing and showing them.
Now, as always, God has dropped angels on her path and this time it is her school friends who have given her the much needed comfort she needed being away from her parents. Oh, the best thing about school friends are that the bonds you share with them are just so effortless. The silence you share with them is just so comforting. Nothing and it just so fine.Tonight her friend took her a walk to her school days. Oh, how funny it was but how serious it was during those days. Laughter, confessions, stories,experiences et al was a treat in this weekend and they brusted into laughter. But one thing for sure, she looked up to God and thank Him for being so kind to her and giving her such great friends to her. The moon peeped between the dark clouds,”Oh don’t worry, I am always watching you up above. Live for now. “

#120 Girl in the new city

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Hah! Few hours back it was a no-show emotional “Bye- see you” with my parents. Anyways, decision is mine. Worked hard for it. Wanted to be here so had to pay the price. Price of leaving my abode, my home and start walking alone, getting out of my comfort zone and doing something myself. God.

Hehehe! This time it was different. My so strong father and his super patient calm demeanor failed to keep his calm composure. He always had this pride that,” I didn’t shade a single tear when my elder daughter married, so I am never gonna be weak in my life.” True to his words he is very very strong but hehe…When it comes to me, he never felt this, but I always knew, I am his biggest strength and biggest weakness. Post 2011 after my sister’s marriage my parents’ life revolved mostly around me. I didn’t grow older but traveled back my age as time passed.

But a time came when I realized that it’s time to come out of cocoon as I deserve more in my career. And as usual being God’s favorite and my family’s best prayers for me I cracked a good job. I was in Malaysia when I received a mail,” call us wherever you are. You are through the interview.” And the journey began. And here I am. The new Girl in the new city.

Life is not strange. Actually we are strange. Joining all the dots I realize, everything is so perfectly planned in life, yet how we panic every time. A stranger HR whose face only two days back I happen to see; My parents superannuation, they travelling with me; by the grace of God, a school friend out of nowhere immediately found a house for me (Thanks Niroj, without you, it was just impossible), stuffs and all was just sorted in time and my parents and I are relieved to great extent.

Now from here to where I really don’t know but yes, all will be well, that my heart believes. 🙂

Whatever it will be I will strive to be my Father’s Heroine. 🙂

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