#143 Baba

I think I have got my way back to writing with my this brand new IPad. Nothing gives peace to me like writing a blog or completing a book or writing a page on my journal. I don’t know , though an ordinary being I am, I like to treasure my life , wondering, may be someday I / someone will turn me to a book.

It feels like homecoming. I was literally suffering from writer’s block from last two years . My mother inspired me to write whenever I get upset and my father motivated me to read books. And that’s how I became emotionally independent finding a home within words.

Tonight it nostalgia . Photos are flashing in front of my eyes when I stepped to the land of Heaven in 2016 @ Puri. Trust me one must witness Puri at Ratha Yatra once in a lifetime. The energy, euphoria and aura is grand. You can literally feel Devis and Devtas ascending to Earth at the service of Rajadhiraj. Yes, the King of Kings is called Rajadhiraj and there is one Rajadhiraj in this entire universe and He is Lord Jagannath. As you step to the land of Puri, your feet shall sway to the vibrations created by Jhanja, Sankha, Mrundangam , Ghanti, echoes of Hare Krishna Hare Rama, kirtans, and what not! Literally everybody turning to dancers, Sevaks, Bhakts , all in the glory of Lord Jagannath. As I write all this, trust me, I can hear all the Dhwanis being played at my ears. Baba, such is your charm!

I remember when I was in school I felt very awkward while talking about God. Don’t know why it filled my eyes with tears and it became very awkward in front of friends. I don’t cry but tears fall off when I talk about Lord Jagannath or folding hands infront of God. My Mami came to my rescue and told me once that act of tears falling out is Bhakti Marg and I should not be embarrassed of that ever. “That’s how you wash the feet of God while praying”, she said.

I remember the first time I stood witness to Ratha Yatra and was waiting for Lord Jagannath Chariot, that experience is unforgettable in my lifetime. It was literally like Lord Vishnu sleeping on Kalia Naag. The chariot was moving like Kalia Naag and Lord Jagannath all so thrilled to meet his Bhakts was rejoicing in joy. What will I tell about the street? Name one cultural dance that was not performed on street. Tell me one Bhakt who was not standing with folded hand. Tell me one person whose feet was not meeting to the tune of Hare Krishna Hare Ram. It was a realisation that this life is nothing but just a performing art. We are dancing to His tune and He is watching us up above!!!

I can go on and on whole night about his grandeur , pomp and show. But. As I walk every time on Bada Danda, the soul always meets its reality. This life is your giving and whatever and where-ever I am, it’s just a walk to you, my source. It’s like dropping a child in the market and Child is finding its way to parents. You are my source and I am that lost Child looking for you. Help me reach to you fast and merge with you soon. 😊

#142 My Super Hero

It’s over years now I have blogged anything or posted, except few two liners or poetry hitherto. But they tell right things happen at the right time. Perhaps now is the perfect time, perfect weather and perfect mood. This heart is a peacock at the sight of rains since days immemorial. As I sit on my couch at my posh quarter and look at the house designed by parents, a sense of pride gheraos me.

Dear Father,

Today is Father’s Day and nostalgia fondly cuddles me. Ah, what a journey it is from ups to down, to smooth phase of life, to tough phase and difficult times now,though I strongly believe we will overcome this phase…Father , you and your life has been an inspiration and in this twilight I am celebrating you.

Often people have questioned my unconventional nature, speaking my heart and mind out and being fearless in my own decisive way. Thanks to you because you have never set any limits to my thought process or have never made me think like I should behave in a certain way being a girl. I love your line when you tell me ,”Listen don’t be belittled by what people tell you. An intellect will first notice your mind and a limited mind shall always notice your looks.” These are those lines which always made me carefree as a girl and now a woman. If I dress , I dress up for myself to feel good and not to impress society. Afterall, as you say, the intellect shall notice my mind, I have always worked on my mind.

2020 has been a year of shadow but God has been very kind to us and you are strong enough to hold on to us! I love you , father. I am sure there will be a day when you will run after your grand children in a park and Maa all too busy preparing food for kids. The day is not so far. Cheers to life, Cheers to you and Cheers to Fatherhood. So blessed to be your daughter and you are and will always be my biggest strength. No matter what , I know I can always walk back to your abode , if the world deserts me and I have got your back. That’s where all my strength come from.

Thank you for being you and for you and only for you, I am the fearless me.

Love you, My Super Hero.

And God, you know it, I don’t need to tell you always , I love you for everything you do for me and my family.

Love Always,

Krishna

#141 tête-à-tête

I think I am writing on a topic that is not at all me but then now I am ideal, and I want to pour out my thoughts in whichever way I want. Of what I will be writing here are not judgments or observations but raw feelings. Call it as feelings of a very traditional/orthodox/middle class girl (if that’s what it is) but still then I would call myself as just being honest in sharing my intricate feelings and thoughts of what is happening these days that I see.

Sigh! Yup let’s begin.

I honestly feel since the day the Event Management concept has originated it has killed the natural factor of every social events that are held. Yeah, Event management company helps in organizing events in an efficient and hustle free manner. But still, I feel like everything is so well rehearsed earlier that that the texture of real, originality and surprising factor somewhere fade when the D-Day comes.

Take the example of a proposal. Gone are those days when proposing someone was a slip of tongue, when they were unsure about feelings, nervous and more so nerve-wracking confessions. Now when I see these big guns expressing their heart out then a whole set up is planned. The girl says, “I want you to propose me in Paris.” The love birds travel together, the event manager is informed, the pre-rehearsal is made, and then a perfect day, date, time are fixed, the photographer is all set and after a long wait and arrangement the three magical words are finally said after much wait. For me its murder. Don’t you think the rawness in feeling is killed? I mean there should be something natural at least.

And then its marriage- Oh what a farce these days the big fat weddings are! Photo shoot is done much earlier. Bride and groom are all set. There is no new factor. There is no, you know, that kind of ‘sharmo-haya-nazakat-pehli dafa’ you know what I mean. Everything is so well planned from top to bottom. Even the dance steps between the couple is rehearsed, the speech is rehearsed, the entry, exit, blah blah, …oh!

 Give me a break, I need space to breathe.

Can anyone breathe easy and be just natural?! My question is does anyone “live “such sacred moments like marriage that comes once in a lifetime? People are so busy rehearsing dance moves, their speech, gowns, sherwanis, lehengas etc. Sigh, poor marriage is reduced to a mere showcase of drama to people. It’s more of a people’s show than between two hearts.

Anyways, I could go on and on, but I think I should stop here.

Let some things in life be natural not well planned. Let some phases/moments of life be not a people show. Let some moments in life be a simple affair but much deeper and forever. Let intricate moments have that surprise factor, that first time kind of innocence, ecstasy, euphoria and memory to be savored.

Kya hai ki kuch pal perfect nahin yaadgaar hona chahiye. And pal jo ek baar jiya jata hai wohin yaadein kaha jata hai… na ki jo baar baar jiya jata hai hone se pehle.

#139 Home

Penned something last year. Each writing carries a part of you and when you read it back , you feel like home. This below penning of mine feels like Home to me tonight..

17 May 2018

“Beautiful weather for the first time witnessing in Hyderabad…perhaps the stressed mind , a worried heart and the solitaire child within needed so damn ! It’s a freedom kind of feeling. Last night the dream showed her panics. Ouch! Life is too demanding.
(The winds blow at it’s mightiest best hitting the glasses of her cabin)
She wonders how newness has floored her from last seven – eight months without giving a jiffy to think where she is heading. Life, you are so strange and more strangest are your unveiling course of events. Today morning she was wondering what makes up for a trust factor and later on concluded only reliability and stability establishes trust, otherwise, everything is bloody hallucination.
(The lightnings sparkled splitting the azure into two , clouds blew the trumpets)
She sipped the warm light filter tea. Today She misses her Maa, her little daughter oceans away and her scooty. Ah, the warmness of tea, salty factor of Monaco and somewhere within the nostalgia sweeping her away from the moment.
God.”

 

#138 Realization

Sigh! It’s almost a year now since I have posted anything here. Like always, yes, time flies and how!! September 2017- coming and settling in a new place all by myself, new job, marriage, new relationships blah blah and blah, life has been a hell of a roller coaster ride.

Worst part is that after publication of my poetry book Between You and Me in 2018  I am not much into active writing. Oh! Writing brings me closer to myself, calms my chaotic mind, helps me to delve into intricate part of my inner-self on the route to self discovery. God, where and when did I forget myself in all this hullabaloo life.

Better late than never. I am back to my writing and this blog post is evident.

So as I sit here in this calm room I realize I am aging. Yup, after 4 days I will be growing old and like every girl I don’t like to get into woman zone! 😛 But then something within me tells me to grow gracefully. Age as it passes teach many aspects of life and the most important lesson is how to stay calm. It’s toughest I tell you, at-least for me! A calm mind, a calm attitude, a calm composed demeanor, calm filled action – Its really tough. Someone like me whose emotions are like those rising ocean waves every now and then, calming my mind is a practice I want to do since time unknown. Sigh, as I write these lines I feel restless.

But then maturity is all about controlling your inner world. How you stay calm on the face of external situations and exterior world. I have observed over the year if we stay calm for 10 minutes then the action we take after 10 minutes is always different and far more effective than an immediate action. But when it comes to reaction, it takes hell of a life (for me actually) to stay calm and then react after sometime. This is what has always made me feel that I am immature.

But then life cannot be always about realization. And realization is futile if not practiced the right way to lead life. I know it’s tough but I think calmness of mind in today’s time is of utmost importance.

So as I close my eyes and step into a year old, I resolve to stay calm, come what may! Yes I can do it and I must.

Stay Well all!

Love always

Krishna

#144 Dil ki baat…

Hi All,

How’s you doing ? Just so freshened up in this Sunday Morning . Past few days was so much hectic, full with turmoil and worrisome for me personally.

Today when I sit on my couch gazing deep at the Meadows and glancing at God , how I realise God makes the perfect plan with a foresight that’s too much reliable and forever problem solving. And how we humans every time panic , question His intentions and are so impatient in everything. I have always felt God’s presence in silence or in some or other signs. Today I felt like He is telling me, “ Look you come with problems every time to me. I need to find a permanent solution to your problems once and for all. I took time, you may not like it in short term but you will appreciate it and remain happy and relaxed forever without troubling me every single time. All I asked to you is patience which you couldn’t keep.”

After this conversation with Him I sit here lamenting my past behaviour with Him, yelling at him, crying and questioning that ‘why do you do this with me’. Understand He is God and He will forgive me but why do I forget this lesson which He always tries to teach me!

“Patience and Trusting the Divine Plan.”

When we take our good amount of time in completing our assignments, then why don’t we give God the time to unravel His Holy Plans. For the rest of the year, I am going to spread only Love, be Patient and Surrender to him.

Love Always,

Krishna ❤️

#140 Retro Love

Sepia flashes today
O Sweet love of mine
This heart is not mindful without you
It keeps to and fro
Between
Twilight dreams of Howrah bridge
To mud cup of hot tea on that dusted bench
That old library where I watched you in between book racks
Oh there were many in between us
Isn’t it?
You were always my last head turn after college got over
Your name on my last pages of notebooks
The metros ran fast
But those metros that took me to meet you was special
The heart races still same
Silence still echoes
The hesitation in our eyes still the same
But time all the more different …
O sweet love of mine
In you I find a home
I have taken many a boats built with poetry
Just to meet you on many a sultry nights …
O sweet love of mine
The wait still the same
Just look around, ahead of you,
I am at the other end of Howrah
Seal the distance between us
Stitch all the” betweens”
So that not last page
We deserve a fairy tale on front page of our lifestory.

#137 Full Time Employment

Hi All,

It’s almost half a year done. How time flies. It was just like yesterday we entered 2018 and now it’s almost half way. Well, like they say, time and tide waits for none. There was a time when I would be lavishly sitting on my couch with a sumptuous cup of tea prepared by my father and wondering why my life is so static! The boring comfortable life, a demanding job and then back to the heavenly abode with my two lovely kids back at home ready to play with me all the time. Everything was so secured and repetitive that a realization stuck I deserve much more than this. But how, when, in which way took me away from what I need to do to get out of the situation.

Then a wave of change just turned up to the shore of my life and change washed me off and made me rise all the new. A city away from my home, new job, then marriage, and another new job full of challenges and an unsecured future, I know not where I am heading to. But yes, like they say, when you are in doubt, know it, you are on the right path and you are progressing.

But as I sit inside this calm, quiet, super cool solitaire chamber, much like a solitary confinement after many days I have come in terms with myself, my individual self and with my much craved for “thoughts and words.”

God, life’s so demanding, so chaotic and in the chase for security how we forget everything. When I sit here wondering what to write or share in my blog, I am shocked how it’s neither about the new city nor the new job, nor my past job nor my new marriage is what my heart really wants to write about. It’s something very different.

Today morning, a realization stuck me, like why not “being happy” be a job we can look for! No seriously “being happy” is one job that’s not much complicated. What skillsets it just requires is minding on one’s business which includes health, self-development, self-contentment and calmness. If “Being happy” can be discharged well all other jobs that we call challenging and demanding will fall in its own place. Rest of the jobs benchmarks are too high and trust me it will only go higher and higher. “Being happy” benchmark is to be in state of balance. In the last six months from last December 22, 2017, giving in too much to ambitions have costed my health in a miserable way and I hit the worst phase of my health just 15 days back as my irregular eating habits, neglecting myself on regular basis deteriorated my health condition to a new high. I then realized, how health is the only wealth I have and if I am not healthy everything else is just mirage.

So yup, I have decided to be in a full-time employment of “being happy” as I know the returns are realistic and very high. What are you upto?

Love Always,

Krishna

#136 Online availability of Book Between You and Me

Hi Guys,

Posting the link to all the online availability of my Book Between You and me. Please grab a copy. I can assure you if you love poetry this book is worth it.

(International availability)

Amazon- https://www.amazon.com/dp/B079ZTR5BF

(Domestic Availability)

Amazon- https://www.amazon.in/dp/B079ZTR5BF

Power Publishers Product

https://www.power-publishers.com/product/between-you-and-me/

Shopclues- https://www.shopclues.com/between-you-and-me-133823384.html

Infibeam- https://www.infibeam.com/Books/*/9789386526854.html (Available at huge discounts)

The books in other site has been sold out. Will be forwarding more links to you soon !

Thanks

Krishna Panda

 

#135 BETWEEN YOU AND ME VIDEO RELEASE

BETWEEN YOU AND ME VIDEO RELEASE

A POETRY BOOK BY KRISHNA PANDA